Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Take a Look at Your Gall Durn Texas Rangers!!



Arlington, TX - Whoo-hoo!! We got ourselves a hell of a team down here in Texas this year, boys. You like power? We got ourselves Josh Hamilton, All American badass and a bunch of other big-cocked boppers. Is it speed you like? We got ourselves a Jap that’s been slapping the Goddam ball around ballparks and causing havoc on the bases for prit-near 20 years. You want pitchers with attitude? That boy Verlander will plunk you in the back so hard your momma will feel it.

Take a look at our club this year, you panty-wearing Yankees. I guarantee, you come down here to Texas, you’re gonna know you’re in our house….

OF
Josh Hamilton
Ichiro
Corey Patterson
Delmon Young
Jeff Francour

C
Victor Martinez
Lou Marson

1b
Lance Berkman
Carlos Pena

2B
Dustin Pedroia
Adam Rosales

SS
JJ Hardy
Erick Aybar

3B
Danny Valencia

SP
Justin Verlander
Jon Lester
Fausto Carmona
Max Scherzer
Phil Hughes

Bullpen
Andrew Bailey
Jason Frasor
David Robertson
Alexi Ogando
Matt Capps
Robinson Tejada

Minors
Joba
Dice-K
Johnny Damon
Jeff Mathis
Posted by at
Labels: , , ,

3 comments:

  1. Gopher Bandanna GuyJuly 5, 2011 at 8:02 PM

    "Prit-near" - love it. The squad looks good, hell - y'all took my fancy city boys to task with it, doggone it.

    Lou Marson needs to grow a moustache of some variety though, his name basically demands it.

    Hardy is a fag.

    ReplyDelete
  2. RockwellJuly 12, 2011 at 11:33 AM

    NEW BIZZARE TO BE ADDED: 725-847

    Josh Hamilton throws ball into stands after 3rd out. Fan reaches for ball and falls to his death. Subtract 100 from overall Team Morale for rest of the season. Following the game, Josh Hamilton falls back into a downward spiral of heroin and crack abuse. Lose Hamilton for the rest of the year.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gopher Bandanna GuyJuly 14, 2011 at 6:16 AM

    Does PTP imitate real life, or does real life imitate PTP?

    Let no one question why we roll bizzares. This weird, awful shit actually happens.

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)