Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Time to head on back to Detroit for some good old fashioned street violence...

...and baseball.  We aren't much for bragging like those folks from Texas, we prefer to just beat you over the head then then burn your house to cinders. Yessir - this year's 2010 AL PTP Detroit Tigers are back with a new roster and are better than ever.  An exciting blend of speed, power, and mediocre pitching is what you'll get when you come to Comerica Park this summer.  Skipper Jon Tortomasi has brought on Jimmy Leyland to be his bench coach  - what more could a fan ask for? Let's check out the roster:

The Starters
1B - Daric 'Boring' Barton
2B - O-Dog Hudson
3B - Adrian "Contract Year" Beltre
SS - Elvis 'won't leave the building' Andrus (no HRs on his card)
RF - Jose BOMBautista ('nuff said)
CF - Curtis 'Baby Grand' Granderson
LF - Juan Pierre (you might be able to run on him, but he KNOWS he can run on you)
C - Joe Mauer AKA the Baby Jesus
DH - Paul Konerko (the steady Captain of this mess)

Role Players and Backups:
Jhonny Peralta and Sean Rodrguez - utilty extrordonaires
Jorge 'Don't Dare Bat Me 9th' Posada
Denard Span'ning the Globe' (wheels for when you really need that guy to score from 2nd)
Manny Ramirez (keeping the clubhouse loose, and fully stocked with PEDs and their subsequent effeminate masking agents)

The Starters 
Jeremie Guthrie
Joel Pineiro
Jason Vargas
Doug Fister
Gavin Floyd

The 'Pen
Grant Ball-four
Koji Uehara
Brian Duensing
Frank Francisco
Jesse Crain 'Wreck'
Kevin Slowey

This group promises to be an exciting bunch, with plenty of base-stealing speed to annoy even the best AL catchers (not saying much), and enough power to actually get the ball to leave the cavernous outfield of Comerica Park.  Be sure to watch for game day giveaways this year, including our 'Ty Cobb Racial Epithet' talking bobblehead, 'Free Crowbar Night', and 'Joe Mauer Swaddling Clothes' Day.



  1. Good stuff Torto. You'll be happy to know you made me laugh out loud for the 2nd time while reading this blog by ending your recent post with "Hardy's a fag." Truer words have never been spoken. I'll forever recall my first burst of laughter, where you topped off a satisfying 2 out of 3 series with a refreshing glass of chocolate milk. Speaking of, I've really been Jonzing for some Magic Shell lately. Gotta get that - boom, boom, boom.

  2. Awesome. Always glad to entertain. I must admit I think that your 2 word comment on Spencer and Nick's Shin-Soo Chew incident ("You dipshits") was the funniest thing I've seen on here

    Magic Shell - do they still make that? If so, the boys and I may be making sundaes tonight after dinner. Crack-a-lacka!

  3. That lineup has potential to be sick! That pitching staff though......hoooooooo doggies. A-Bomb for A-Rod, Big Bad Tex and Youkilis "The Cable Guy" are licking their collective chops, like Knuckles when he sees Keither's nuts.


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