Friday, July 29, 2011

I got yer records right here

Here ya go Spence - you and your horde of lesbian protesters' pleas (weird) have been answered.  The record book is now posted at the very bottom of the blog.  All the AL standings have been updated down there as well.  So take a look, and let me know if there are any glaring omissions or errors.  Anything highlighted in yellow means that the record is either incomplete, or needs to be substantiated.  So feel free to fill in the gaps!  I'm bettting some of the records I plugged in with my own guys as placeholders will be supplanted.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

DC Dice Rollin' - AL Series Updates

More Tigers dice-rollin' comin' atcha!

 The Nick-Mar-Tom-Tort annual baseball trip went down over the weekend (really need to name this thing properly), and our dice, charts, and cards made it past TSA without incident.  My deck of Tigers managed to squeeze in 2 series during some of our downtime, while avoiding the blazing East Coast heat.  Here's the details -

First up, Torto @ Nick:

Game 1: J.Pineiro @ R.Romero
Romero got off to a rocky start here, walking one, and plunking two before getting out of a bases loaded 1st inning jam.  The next inning the Tigers broke through with 2 on the strength of three singles and a walk, and compounded by a Matt Joyce throwing error. Nick countered with a 2-run HR shot by righty-killer Matt Joyce.  A solo shot from Jhonny Peralta and an RBI triple from Konerko and RBI singles from Joey Batts and Juan Pierre was enought to get the win though in the later innings.  Nick mustered 2 more runs, but insurance was later piled on by a Joey Batts solo blast.
Torto wins 7-4
WP - J.Pineiro; LP - R.Romero; Save - K.Slowey
HR - J.Peralta, J.Bautista, M.Joyce, D.Ortiz

Game 2: J.Vargas @ J.Peavy
Jake Peavy looked like the guy we remembered from 2-3 years ago in this one, pitching a no-hitter into the 7th until Joe Mauer broke it up with a single, followed by a Paul Konerko HR blast, giving Torto the 2-0 lead.  Vargas and Koji Uehara preserved the lead, giving up only 1 run - partly due to a Elvis Andrus error in the 8th.  Going into the 9th, Uehara got the 25th out, but Torto decided to hand the ball to lefty specialist, Brian Duensing.  Duensing walked lefty Brett Gardner, and Gardner stole second - and headed around to 3rd when Mauer airmailed the throw into center.  Mike Napoli was then intentionally walked to get to the lefty-lefty matchup and put the double-play into effect.  Nick stayed the course with Brennan Boesch (a lefty who can hit lefties) and was rewarded with a 3-run walk off homerun.
Nick wins 4-2
WP - D.Bard; LP - B.Duensing
HR - P.Konerko, B.Boesch

Game 3: D.Fister @ F.Hernandez
After stealing game 2 with some late inning heroics, Nick felt pretty good going into the game with the AL Cy Young award winner toeing the rubber.  My squad's only hope was to get to King Felix early - and they did. But by sitting with the bat resting on their shoulders.  Andrus led off the game with a single, and then King Felix proceeded to throw 4 consecutive walks before getting an out.  With 1 out, Felix walked in another run, and then the Grandyman hit a 2-RBI single, before the inning ended.  Spotting us a 4-run lead was just what Doug Fister (I hardly know her!) needed to boost his confidence.  Two more insurance runs in the top of the ninth, made it 6-1, and Fister cruised for 8+ innings, giving up only 1, until giving up back-to-back solo jacks to Jim Thome and David Ortiz in the bottom of the 9th.  With the score at 6-3, Grant Balfour came in and got the save, albeit while giving up another run.
Torto wins 6-4
WP - D.Fister; LP - F.Hernandez; Save - G.Balfour
HR - J.Thome, D.Ortiz

Torto wins series 2-1

Later, Mar and I tangled for game one in the hotel, and games 2-3 in the Reagan International Airport terminal.  More details...

Game 1: J.Weaver @ G.Floyd
My Tigers jumped out to a quick lead, scoring 2 in the bottom of the first on a Boring Barton RBI double, and a Jose Bautista sac fly.  A solo shot by Adrien Beltre (4th on the year) made it 3-0 thru the 7th.  Mario finally broke thru on Floyd in the 8th, on a 3-run shot from Birther Luke Scott, to tie it 3-3.  But bottom of the 9th, Mauer led off with a double, and was scored on a Bautista single.  Mario threatened in the 9th with 2 on and 2 out, but couldn't bring the tying run across.
Torto wins 4-3
WP - J.Crain; LP - J.Weaver
HR - A.Beltre, L.Scott

Game 2: C.C.Sebathia @ J.Guthrie
Not much to say in this one - C.C. dominated the entire way, and my rolls went to sleep.  The Tigers managed only 2 hits struck out 8 times.  Mario picked up runs 1 at a time, in the 1st, 3rd, 6th, and 9th.
Mario wins 4-0
WP - C.C. Sebathia (CG); LP - J.Guthrie
HR - none

Game 3: C.Pavano @ J.Pineiro
The rubber match was a dogfight all the way, and lasted 13 innings, ending about 15 minutes before our plane was boarding. Both teams piled on 3 runs in the 4th, and both starters got chased by the end of the 5th.  Mario got all of his first 5 runs on 4 home runs and a single. The Tigers got theirs by slapping the ball around the field and using The Rabbits (Pierre, Granderson, Span, Andrus, and Hudson) to use their speed running all over the bases.   With the game tied 5-5 after 5, the bats went quiet for both teams all the way into extra innings.  My guys threatened in the 11th, on a leadoff walk to Pierre, but he couldn't get sent around.  Finally in the 13th, The Rabbits struck again - Grandy walked, O-Dog advanced him over on a ground ball, Pierre beat out a bunt to put runners on the corners, and Andrus bunted Grandy home on a suicide squeeze - taking full advantage of Miguel Cabrera's D-range on a 'Tough Play?" roll. 
Torto wins 6-5 in 13 innings
WP - K.Uehara; LP - B.Logan
HR - A.Callaspo, V.Wells, N.Swisher, M.Cabrera

Torto takes series 2-1, pushing my overall record to 8-4.  Weird to be a 3rd of the way done already, but there it is.  Watch out for The Rabbits - 20 SBs in 12 games!  Catch 'em if you can AL catchers!
Flopsy (Span), Mopsy (Granderson), Cotton-tail (Andrus), and Peter (Pierre) congregate around home plate, their favorite place to meet this season.

Monday, July 25, 2011


(Fans riot in front of The PTP Archives Building in Orion, WI, demanding the release of the PTP record book)


Any chance of linking or putting up some all-time records? I don't give a shit if it is incomplete. I'd like to see what they are, plus see how Torres and J. Johnson did. Heath Bell 11 saves. Record? Anyone else interested in seeing these?

You see what the lesbians said...Protect your poop shoot!! That's a little pre-playoff shit-talkin' right there, I tell you what!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Here are my final NL stat leaders:
Andres Torres - .376 (56-149)
I-Rod - .347 (33-95)
Ryan Braun - .279 (43-154)

Ryan Braun - 7
Scott Rolen - 6
Ryan Howard - 5
Jay Bruce - 5

Ryan Braun - 25
Jay Bruce - 23
Ryan Howard - 23
Scott Rolen - 21

Ryan Braun - 25
Andres Torres - 22
Scott Rolen - 20

Stolen Bases
Andres Torres - 9
Jimmy Rollins - 4

Brett Meyers - 6
Josh Johnson - 4

Heath Bell - 0.59 (15.1 IP)
Josh Johnson - 3.28 (71.1 IP)
Brett Meyers - 3.63 (52.0 IP)

Heath Bell - 11
Tim Stauffer - 2

Josh Johnson - 83 *Gotta be a new PTP record for K's in a season
Chris Carpenter - 44

Overall as a team:

.274 AVE
32 HR (terrible with this lineup)
161 RBI
19 SB
107 BB
145 K

3.62 ERA
325 K (363.1 IP)
115 BB
31 HR Allowed
7 CG

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Random Thoughts...


1. As fun as PTP is, the backbone of the league - in my mind - are APD's. As much as I enjoy getting together to roll a series over a couple of beers, its the constant banter, 11am buzz and chaos of an APD that really trips my trigger. I know summer's tough, but a Tort Fort weekend is in September if we can't make it happen sooner.

2. I received money from Torto, Fish and Spencer for the AL. If you still owe me $10 please plan on bringing it the next time I see you. As "league treasurer," I am authorized to hunt you down and kill you if payment is not received prior to my playoff elimination (it happens blindingly fast, I must warn you).

3. Looks like Youks is up to some of his old tricks again. Check this out if you haven't seen it already:,20894/

Spencer Sweeps, my pretty! Heheheheheh!

(Looks like my ex-girlfriend! Yowzas!!)

Keither auto-played Goldy's team yesterday so we could finish up the regular season and begin the playoffs. Here is a short recap of what happened.

Spencer played his entire bench in the starting lineup, with a few starters. Andres Torres did play so he didn't cheap his way to a batting title.

Game 1 Mike Pelfry @ Derek Lowe

Ryan Braun's RBI single in the 7th won the game for Spencer. Spencer wins 4-3

W - Lowe 7.0, 7H, 4W, 3ER, 3K

L - Razor Ramon Ramirez - 1.0, 2H, W, 1ER

S - Heath Bell - 1.0, H, 2K

HR - Juan Uribe

Game 2 Timmy Hudson @ Josh Johnson

Spencer dominated the game until the 9th inning, when Gold Keither scored 5 runs off of Hisanori Takahashi to tie the game at 9-9. Ryan The Riot's RBI single in the 11th won the game for Spencer. Spencer wins 10-9 in 11 innings **Josh Johnson struckout 9 batters to up his PTP record setting SO total to 83 on the year in 8 starts.

W - Tim Stauffer - 2.0, 2H, 2K

L - J.A. Happ (Jap) - 0.1, W, H, ER

HR - Steve Drew, Hunter Pence (underpants), Al Pujols

Game 3 Cole Hamels @ Christoph Carpenter

Derrek Lee's second HR of the game in the bottom of the 9th won it for Spencer. Spencer scores three runs on three solo jacks. Spencer wins 3-2

W - Carpenter CG, 9H, 2ER, 5W, 8K

L - Razor Ramon Ramirez 0.0, H, ER, HR

HR - Derrek Lee (2), I-Rod

Keither played his balls off and every game came down to the wire. Glad to see my bench players step up with the regular playing time. Spencer's team is HOT HOT HOT heading into the playoff showdown with border rival Torto.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Kicking KC to the Kurb in Kauffman

Will the Goldy's Royals draw like this all season?  The answer is 'yes' if the defense is this bad...
Not feeling like doing anything productive on Sunday evening, Goldy and I met up at my chaotic homestead for a 3-game tilt.  I was eager to get back on track after losing my opening series to Keith and them gal-durn Texas Rangers, and Goldy was excited to get a fresh start with a new and improved team. But Ben was seemingly irritated with me from the get-go (when I first won the Home-Away roll, and then jokingly differed my choice), and things just went downhill from there for Mr. Goldsworthy.  Much like Keith seems to have my number,  I seem to have Ben's.  Here's what went down.

Game 1: D.Fister @ C.J.Wilson
The game opened up in most annoying fashion for the hometown Royals, with Juan Pierre drawing a walk, then stealing 2nd, and rolling over to 3rd on a bad C.J.Wilson pickoff throw.  He was promptly scored by a Boring Daric Barton single.  A solo shot in the 3rd by Adrian Beltre made it 2-0, but Goldy struck back with a Torii Hunter solo blast, 2-1. Both starters went 7 innings before calling it a night, but my squad managed 2 more insurance runs in the 8th and 9th, one in part due to a rare Carl Crawford error, while the setup/closer combo of Balfour and Uehara closed it out.
Torto W 4-1
WP- D.Fister; LP - C.J.Wilson; Save - K.Uehara
HR - A.Beltre, T.Hunter

Game 2: G.Floyd @ C.Lewis
Another annoying start to this game for the home team, as Boring Barton walked, Jesus Mauer singled, and then Joey Bats hit a comebacker to Colby Lewis who proceeded to airmail the throw into the RF corner for a 2-base error.  Goldy immediately struck back though, with a 2-run Nelson Cruz HR to tie it up.  The Tigers would not be denied though, and scored another pair in the 2nd (on a base-clearing O-Dog triple and a Juan Pierre soft groundout), and then one run in each of the 4,5, 6, and 9th innings - including a Grandy-man 435-foot Deep Drive HR to dead center field.  ***Bizarre Alert*** With the Royals already getting frustrated in this series, Craig Breslow plunked Adrien Beltre and a brawl ensued, wherein Beltre kicked Breslow and was ejected and suspended for 3-games.  Neither player was injured***
Goldy managed another 3 runs off Gavin, after he went 7+ innings, when Balfour and Uehara again closed things down. 
Torto W 8-5
WP - G.Floyd; LP - C.Lewis; Save - K.Uehara
HR - C.Granderson, N.Cruz

Game 3:  J.Guthrie @ F.Liriano
Yet another tough start for Ben, as Cap'n Paully Konerko hit a 2-run blast in the opening frame for the early lead.  The Tigers scored again in the 5th on an RBI-single from Jhonny Peralta (replacing the suspended Beltre).  A Jeremy Guthrie pickoff throw error allowed Crawford to move up to 2nd and score on an RBI single from Cruz in the bottom of the 5th, but I guys clawed back two insurance runs in the top of the 8th on back-to-back Mauer and Konerko doubles.  With my elite relievers unavailable for this game, Kevin Slowey was given the 8th and 9th to close things out.  After a shakey 8th, where he yielded back the 2 insurance runs and creating his own save opportunity, he closed out the 9th cleanly.
Torto W 5-3
WP - J.Guthrie; LP - F.Liriano; Save - K.Slowey
HR - P.Konerko

Torto sweeps series 3-0.

This was a tough one for Goldy to stomach.  His rolls were generally brutal, and hit the high 900s an awful lot.  In addition, his "B-rolls" were even more brutal, while mine were quite good.  In one game he managed to roll the zeroes 3 times after getting the error roll.  He managed 5 errors in the series, and was caught stealing twice.  Translation - sooner or later this guy's going to have one of those games where he rolls nothing but 120s and 190s.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Keith visiting Fish at Keith's House

Keith and I hooked up for some early work week PTP while the Mrs. V. was away on work. Keith’s body was rocked – and not in a good way:

Game 1: Scherzer vs. Cahill
Fish took an early lead in the bottom of the 2nd with a 2 run job by Justin Morneau. Keith tied the game in the top of the 3rd with a solo home run by Coke Head Hamilton, and took a commanding 4-2 lead in the 4th on a two run double by Lance Berkman. JD Drew hit a solo home run in the bottom of the 4th, and with the score tied in the bottom of the 11th – he hit a two run double to win the game. Fish wins 6-4
Win – Soria
Loss – Capps
HR’s – Morneau, Hamilton, Drew

Game 2: Hughes vs. Price
Let’s just talk about the 7th inning. Keith tied the game 1-1 on a solo home run from D. Young. He then proceeded to give up 9 runs in the bottom of the frame, with JD Drew hitting a 3 run job. Enough said Fish wins 11-3.
Win – Price
Loss – Hughes
HR’s – D. Young, Drew

Game 3: Verlander vs. Braden
This was a pitcher duel. Braden went 8 innings of 1 run ball, giving up 5 hits and 1 walk and 9 strike outs. Verlander went the distance, giving up 2 runs (both solo jacks) 6 hits, 1 walk and 0 strike outs. The two solo home runs was Keith’s undoing. Fish wins 2-1
Win – Braden
Loss – Verlander
Save – Thorton
HR’s – Morneau, Guerrero
Fish wins the series 3-0

Stranger Danger!! The Youkilis Monster invades Keith's Mind. Keith @ Spencer

(Lego Youkilis)

As pace-setter, Keither stopped by Oregon for some AL action.

Game 1 Jon Lester @ Danny Haren

Back and forth game the entire time a there were six lead changes. Keith led 7-6 going into the bottom of the 9th. Adam Jones singled and advanced to second on a slow roller. With 2 outs, pinch-hitter Derek Jeter singled home the tying run and we head to extras.....where BJ Upton led off with a double and The Youkilis Monster smack a GW-3B for the win. SPENCER WINS 8-7 in 10 innings.

W - Jason Berkken 3.1, 2r, 4h, 2k,

L - Andrew Bailey 1.1, 2er, k, 4h

Game 2 Fast Fausto Carmona @ Jeff Neimann

Score was tied 5-5 in the 6th until BJ Upton led off the 6th with a single. Stole second. Stole 3rd. Then scored on a Escobar single. Derek Jeter with yet another pinch hit RBI single in the 7th made it 7-4 Spencer. Keith scored two more in the 8th on a Vic Martinez double to make it close, but Spencer scored three in the bottom of the 8th to close out the game. SPENCER WINS 10-6

W - Matt Guerrier 1.0, 2h

L - Matt Capps, 5h, 2er, w

Game 3 Max "Headroom" Scherzer @ Clifford "Big Red Dog" Lee

A RBI single from Yunel Escobar in the 1st put Spencer up 1-0. It was 2-0 Spencer after Nick Markakis' RBI-single in the 5th. However Keith managed to score two off of Cliff Lee to tie in the 8th and a Delmon Young (batting clean-up) single off of Scott Downs in the 9th won it for Keither. KEITH WINS 3-2

W - Alexi Ogando - 1.0, k

L - Scott Downs - 1.1, 2h, r

S - Bailey - 1.0, k

Another good series. Why I took Cliff Lee out in that game, I have no idea. I'm blaming the many Smithwick's in my blood for the bad pitching moves.

Big Bad Tex......Hmmmmmmmmmmmm! Nick @ Spencer AL

(Big Bad Tex flips his bat after hitting his GW-HR off of Neftali Feliz)

Nick and Keith visited the new Casa de Rockwell for some AL action. Here's what happened:

Felix Hernandez @ Cliff Lee

In a battle of the Top 2 pitchers taken in this years draft, Lee and King Felix locked horns at Fenway. Nick scored first in the 2nd inning as Jason Bartlett singled home Luis Valbuena. (1-0 Nick) It was after this run that Cliff Lee struck out 9 of the next 12 hitters he faced.

The game remained 1-0 Nick until the 9th when Nick scored a *cough cough* "bunted" home an insurance run as Bartlett picked up his 2nd RBI. The baseball gods must have been watching Nick cheap his way to a victory the bottom of the 9th, with two outs, Hernandez beaned The Youkilis Monster, and Big Tex tied things up with a 2-run bomb. (2-2)

We head to extras................

Top of 11: Shin-Shoo Choo singled home Wil Betemit and again, Nick bunted home a run with Bartlett.....again, just shoving it in the face of the baseball gods. Nick leads (4-2)

Bottom of 11: With Hernandez pulling some gangta shit and pitching in the 11th he got Action Jackson to fly out. King Felix then walked A-Rod and was pulled for Neftali Feliz. Feliz walked The Youkilis Monster to face Big Tex. Big Tex then smacked a GW-3 run bomb jack to win the game, as the baseball gods celebrated real baseball. SPENCER WINS 5-4 in 11.

*Both Lee and Hernandez went 10.1 innings and picked up no decisions

W - Edwin Jackson 0.2, H, 2W

L - Nerf Feliz 0.0, w, h, HR, 2er

Game 2 Shawon Marcum @ Clay Bucholtz

Having been emotionally spent from the first game's dramatics, Spencer's offense went nigh-nigh. Marcum pitched a CG, 3-hit shutout as Nick wins 6-0. Thome and Big Papi went back-to-back in the 7th. Spencer was, seriously, rolling either 970s and up or double zeros. Brutal rolling on my part.

W - Marcum CG, 3h, 1w, 10K

L - Bucholtz 7.0, 6er, 8h, 5w, 5k, 2hr

Game 3 Zak Greinke @ Matthew Garza

Spencer scored first as BJ Upton (replacing the already benched Action Ausin Jackson) led off with a solo bomb. Spencer would add two more in the 3rd as Nick beaned Nick Markakis with the bases loaded and walked Big Tex with the bases loaded.

Nick tied the game in the 5th with RBI's from Choo and Brett Gardner, but a solo HR from Yunelly the Fly Felly Escobar and AN A-BOMB from A-ROD in the 6th and 7th innings sealed the deal as Joaquin "Phoenix" Benoit closed the door for his first save of the year. Spencer wins 5-3

W - Garza 6.0 3h, 6w, 3er, 6k

L - Dan Bard 2.0, 2h, 2er, w, 2hr

S - Benoit 1.0, h, w, 2k

It was a fun series. At one point "Who's got the nappiest nuts around?" Mike Napoli on three straight ABs, would walk but the "off" on my pitchers card would come into play and he would foul out. Needless to say, Nick was frustrated.


Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mini-APD Interest?

Hi Friends:

Anyone interested in swinging by Sunday morning to roll a series or two? I know Nick and Fish are out, but I think Spencer and Torto expressed some interest. Mario, Goldy; either of you free? (sorry for the short notice Goldy, I've got to be sure to get your number next time we get together).

Anyway, let me know - I'm pretty flexible but since I've already played Spencer and Torto I would love a 4th...

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

"Git your Humberto Quintero jerseys! Only 55 dollars!"

First off, if you got three minutes, watch this video for the best analysis I've ever heard, from my man PaladinCecil on the Miller Park All-Star Game fiasco back in '02. This dude rules the roost on "Best" moments from places he has been.

TORTO!!! + the rest of you some noteworthy stats: 36 GAMES PLAYED

*Josh Johnson - (8 starts) 63.1 IP, 4W-3L, 3.27 ERA, 74 K, 11 W, 3CG

*Brett Meyers - (7 Starts) 40 IP, 6W-1L

*Heath Bell - (14 GP) 14.1 IP, 0.63ERA, 22 K, 7 W, 1 ER, 6 h, 10 saves

*Ryan Braun - .279, 7 HR, 24 RBI

*Jay Bruce - .291, 5 HR, 22 RBI

*Ryan Howard - .243, 5 HR, 23 RBI

*Brandon Phillips - .207, 0 HR, 11RBI (been so good for me other years)

*Jim Rollins - .189, 2 HR, 7 RBI, 4 SB

*Catchers - I-ROD and Humberto Quintero (combined) .336, 2 HR, 14 RBI, SB

*Starting Pitchers - .173, 3RBI

Monday, July 11, 2011


( MVP Frontrunner Andres Torres reacts with pain

as teammate Jimmy Ro-Ro punches his balls during practice.)

Gotta say, I respect both what Cargo Gongo and whomever Torto wants to "try" and throw in the mix.

Honestly? Torres has been on some juice-shit and hitting this team to the playoffs. Torres, bullpen, and Braun. That's my team. Need dudes to step up for the matchup with my natural border rival, Tortosmelcer.

To stump for Torres:

52-139 h/ab (0.374 AVE) 1 hr, 15 rbi, 21r, 16 2b, 2 3b, 9 sb, 14 w,

Might not have the "power numbers" needed to win an MVP, but a batting title seems to be in his future, and leads the leage in steals.

Anyways, there is my entry for league MVP.

Begin arguments....NOW!!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

NL Stats - Pitching Heavy

Here are my notable stats from the NL Season. I am missing a series verse Nick - no doubt in that mess of a UW Wisconsin folder, intermingling players and seasons to fit his liking; I am also missing a series verse Carlo, so that one is likely history. Anyway, here are they are, Latos or Marmol for Cy Young?

Joey Votto - .333 in 105 AB, both Goldy and Fish combined
Jose Reyes - .324 in 139 AB

Home Runs
Dan Uggla - 10 HR in 152 AB
Joey Votto - 8 HR in 105 AB

Dan Uggla - 35 RBI's
Jim Edmonds - 21 RBI's
Joey Votto - 19 RBI's

Jose Reyes - 5
Nyjer Morgan - 4

Joel Perlta - 1.12 ERA in 32 IP
Mat Latos - 1.86 ERA in 53 IP
Carlos Silva (What the Fuck?) - 2.33 ERA in 35 IP
Matt Cain - 2.37 ERA in 53 IP

Mat Latos - 7
Matt Cain - 6
Carlos Marmol - 5

Mat Latos - 51

Carlos Marmol - 10

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Time to head on back to Detroit for some good old fashioned street violence...

...and baseball.  We aren't much for bragging like those folks from Texas, we prefer to just beat you over the head then then burn your house to cinders. Yessir - this year's 2010 AL PTP Detroit Tigers are back with a new roster and are better than ever.  An exciting blend of speed, power, and mediocre pitching is what you'll get when you come to Comerica Park this summer.  Skipper Jon Tortomasi has brought on Jimmy Leyland to be his bench coach  - what more could a fan ask for? Let's check out the roster:

The Starters
1B - Daric 'Boring' Barton
2B - O-Dog Hudson
3B - Adrian "Contract Year" Beltre
SS - Elvis 'won't leave the building' Andrus (no HRs on his card)
RF - Jose BOMBautista ('nuff said)
CF - Curtis 'Baby Grand' Granderson
LF - Juan Pierre (you might be able to run on him, but he KNOWS he can run on you)
C - Joe Mauer AKA the Baby Jesus
DH - Paul Konerko (the steady Captain of this mess)

Role Players and Backups:
Jhonny Peralta and Sean Rodrguez - utilty extrordonaires
Jorge 'Don't Dare Bat Me 9th' Posada
Denard Span'ning the Globe' (wheels for when you really need that guy to score from 2nd)
Manny Ramirez (keeping the clubhouse loose, and fully stocked with PEDs and their subsequent effeminate masking agents)

The Starters 
Jeremie Guthrie
Joel Pineiro
Jason Vargas
Doug Fister
Gavin Floyd

The 'Pen
Grant Ball-four
Koji Uehara
Brian Duensing
Frank Francisco
Jesse Crain 'Wreck'
Kevin Slowey

This group promises to be an exciting bunch, with plenty of base-stealing speed to annoy even the best AL catchers (not saying much), and enough power to actually get the ball to leave the cavernous outfield of Comerica Park.  Be sure to watch for game day giveaways this year, including our 'Ty Cobb Racial Epithet' talking bobblehead, 'Free Crowbar Night', and 'Joe Mauer Swaddling Clothes' Day.


AL Season, Lou Marson Make Debut

That’s right, the AL Season is officially underway friends. Torto and I took advantage of the beautiful day, mild buzzes, and some post-draft adrenaline and played the first series of the AL season Sunday afternoon. Here’s the report:

Game 1: Guthrie @ Verlander

This game played out like we forgot the AL had started. Pedroia struck first for Keith in the bottom of the 1st with a solo homerun. The run was answered in the top of the 3rd by the hard-hitting Adrian Beltre. Beyond that, we had ourselves a fast-moving, well-pitched game, finally decided by a 2-run Elvis Andrus bases-clearing double off Verlander in the top of the 9th.

Torto Wins 3-1

Game 2: Pinero @ Lester

This was more what we were looking for – a good old-fashioned AL runfest. Torto managed five runs, highlighted by Beltre’s second HR of the year, a two-run job by Paully Konerko and a flurry of thieving baserunners (Pierre 2, Andrus, Granderson). It was not enough to offset the game by #1 overall pick Josh “The Hammer” Hamilton, however, who finished with four RBI’s and fell a double short of the cycle.

Keith Wins 8-5

Game 3: Vargas @ Carmona

Another tight game started well for Torto with Hudson knocking in Barton following his two out triple in the top of the 2nd. Back-and-forth this one went, with Keith scoring a run in the bottom of the 4th, Torto answering back in the top of the 5th for a one-run lead, and Keith coming back with two more in the bottom of the 5th. It would stay that way until the top of the 9th, when Torto brought in pinch-hitter Manny Ramirez to face closer Andrew Bailey with two on. It was not to be, though, as Bailey escaped with his second save in the series.

Keith Wins 3-2

Take a Look at Your Gall Durn Texas Rangers!!

Arlington, TX - Whoo-hoo!! We got ourselves a hell of a team down here in Texas this year, boys. You like power? We got ourselves Josh Hamilton, All American badass and a bunch of other big-cocked boppers. Is it speed you like? We got ourselves a Jap that’s been slapping the Goddam ball around ballparks and causing havoc on the bases for prit-near 20 years. You want pitchers with attitude? That boy Verlander will plunk you in the back so hard your momma will feel it.

Take a look at our club this year, you panty-wearing Yankees. I guarantee, you come down here to Texas, you’re gonna know you’re in our house….

Josh Hamilton
Corey Patterson
Delmon Young
Jeff Francour

Victor Martinez
Lou Marson

Lance Berkman
Carlos Pena

Dustin Pedroia
Adam Rosales

JJ Hardy
Erick Aybar

Danny Valencia

Justin Verlander
Jon Lester
Fausto Carmona
Max Scherzer
Phil Hughes

Andrew Bailey
Jason Frasor
David Robertson
Alexi Ogando
Matt Capps
Robinson Tejada

Johnny Damon
Jeff Mathis

2010 NL Season - Playoff update, Car-Go MVP rebuttle, etc.

Will Zimmerman get the call and be announced league MVP?
In all the excitement and hoopla surrounding the now completed 2010 AL draft, some NL regular season stuff got accomplished as well.  Spence whipped Goldy 3-0 (see his post below).  But before that, Goldy gave Carlo's limping team a kick down the stairs as well, taking all 3 at the Crowne Plaza hotel bar.

What does that mean for playoffs?  It means Fish, Torto, and Spence are IN as the #1, 2, and 3 seeds respectively.  It also means that Mario still has an outside shot at getting in as the #4 seed over Nick.  Mar has 14 wins and 9 games left.  That means he needs to win 7 of his last 9 to get in.  With 6 remaining against Carlo, and 3 vs. Spence - it is still in the realm of possibility.

Now on to more important matters, namely the ridiculous plug of Carlos Gonzalez as the NL season MVP.  It's nice that Nick is excited about his players, and Car-Go is a dynamic athlete to be sure, but the true MVP crown is probably best handed to my Marlin's own, Ryan Zimmerman.  A stellar defender, Zimmerman finished the regular season 1/1000th of a point behind Car-Go in BA, but has more HRs (8) and leads the league in RBI (39).  All that on a highly competitive team, that finished only a game out of first in the regular season.  Case closed.

***FYI*** Spencer currently has Carlo's cards, and the current rotation is 2-3-4 (Kershaw-Arroyo-Dempster)for the next series, and 5-1-2 for the final (Nolasco-Lincecum-Kershaw).***

Monday, July 4, 2011

Rockwell in Playoffs, Sweeps Goldy.

(Goldy's playoff chances ended in a harsh way last night)

Some post AL draft PTP went down between Goldy and myself, with playoff impications at stake. Here is the skinny:

Spencer sweeps Goldy 3-0

Game 1 (2-0) W-Jaime Garcia, L - Cole Hamels, S - Heath Bell HR - Rolen

Game 2 (8-3) W - Derek Lowe, L - Hernandez HR - Ryan Braun, Rick Weeks, Brian McCann

Game 3 ( 5-1) W - Josh Johnson, L - Jonathon Sanchez HR - Ryan Howard (Grand Slam)


Sunday, July 3, 2011


(A sign of things to come for opposing pitchers from Captain Kevin Youkilis.)

OREGON, WI - Being five years removed from his only World Series Championship, Scarlet Stockings

General Manager Spencer Rockwell had a simple goal going into the 2011 AL PTP Fantasy Draft.

" Draft the best player available", Rockwell said early Sunday morning as he shoved a McDonalds Bacon Egg & Cheese Bagel into his mouth.

"I can't control who drafts whom, and now we have Fish auto-drafting for Mario, that's another monkey wrench in the mix", he added. I will draft the best players available that meet our team's needs in that particular round." " If a sick closers card is available early, I may reach for him", he chimed in, referring to reliver Joaquin Benoit.

Rockwell had prided himself for years a superb defensive drafter and by the sound of it, defense is once again the main priority. "Of course we will empasize defense with the AL players.", he quirped. "Defense is down across the board defensively in the AL, this makes having a solid defense behind our staff that much more important.


C-Alex Avila

C-Benji Molina

1B - Mark Texiera

2B - Brian "Bip" Roberts

SS - Yunel Escobar

SS - Derek Jeter

3B - An A-Bomb for A-Rod

OF - Austin Jackson

OF - Nick Markakis

OF - Adam Jones

DH - Kevin Youkilis

OF - BJ Upton

UTIL - Nicky Punto

SP - Clifford Lee

SP - Clayford Buchholz

SP - Matthew Garza

SP - Daniel Haren

SP - Jeffery Neiman

SP - Edwin Jackson

SP - Brett Cecil

RP - Matt Guerrier

RP - Scott Downs

RP - Jason Berkken

RP - Christoph Perez

RP - Joaquin Benoit

Friday, July 1, 2011


(Does this Picture hit close to home Torto?!?!) Just kidding. No forearm shivers at the Mokeski or Gravy Bowl, please....)

As I have only six games left to play I will update you on some stats fellas. Keep in mind I am still have to input a few series, so these stats are through 30 games only.


Andres Torres .362 (37-102)

I-ROD .339 (21-62)

J-Bruce .320 (32-100)


Scott Rolen (5)

J-Bruce (5)


J-Bruce (21)

Jew Braun (17)

Ry. Howard (17)

Scott Rolen (17)


Andres Torres (8)

Humberto Quintero (1) on a Strikeout Hit & Run!


Brett Meyers (6-0)


Heath Bell (10)


Josh Johnson (3.57)

Brett Meyers (3.97)


Josh Johnson (52) in 45.1 IP

Team Batting AVE .276 (251-911)

Team ERA (3.79) in 233 IP (98 ER)

Starter ERA (4.52) in 175.1 IP

Bullpen ERA ( 1.71) in 57.2 IP


* John Venters in striking out hitters at a 16.6k/9IP rate (24K in 13IP)

*Three pitchers have sub 1.00 ERAs. Heath Bell (0.79), 11.1 IP, Tim Stauffer (0.55) 16.1IP, Tak Saito (0.81) 11IP

*Spencer's catchers are batting .340 (34-100) on the year. HUMBERTO QUINTERO!!!!!!!!

See three of you in the playoffs.