Say hello to Miss Minute Maid...you don't have a chance in her park!

Houston, allow me to present your 2011 Houston Astros! We are proud that all of our vitamin C is provided with tons of unnecessary fructose, sucrose and aspartame thanks to Minute Maid products. Minute Maid products are refreshing. Minute Maid products will control your mind. Minute Maid products are produced naturally in a lab - taste that lab freshness!

Below are the fine specimens drafted this season. The stand out is MVP and HIPPA spokesman Ryan Braun, the #2 pick in the draft. Let's get down to business.

In the Field:

1b - Freddie Freeman

1b - Derek Lee

2b - Rickie Weeks

SS - Starlin Castro

3b - Emilio Bonifacio

LF - Ryan Braun

CF - Michael Bourn

CF - Cameron Maybin

RF - Jason Heyward

RF - Seth Smith

RF - Alfonso Soriano

C - Ryan Doumit

C - Jonathon Lucroy

Starting Pitchers:

Johnny Cueto

Ryan Vogelsong

Jeff Karstens

R.A. Dickey

Jaime Garcia

Relievers:

LR - Homer Bailey

LR - Steve Cishek

LR - Ernesto Frieri

SR - Brad Ziegler

SR - Wilton Lopez

Setup - Jonny Venters

Closer - Francisco Rodriquez

Minors:

Greg Dobbs

Martin Prado

Mike Fontenot

Eric Hinske

C'mon, Join the Joyride!

The 2012 San Francisco Giants are looking to have a super season and based on the roster assembled for this season, it should be quite a ride. Defense? We have it. Power? Not so much. Wacky pitching cards? You bet.

After leading the 2011 Kansas City Royals to the playoffs manager Goldy is looking to do the same with this group of has-beens and never-will-bes. In between taking hits from the bong, reserve catcher Geovany Soto noted, "The locker room is all cool, bro. Manager Goldy lays down the vibe with some Crucial Conflict over the stereo and we're all good. I'm stoked bro." Fellow Giant, and stoner, Time Lincecum is also "stoked". "Bro, did you see Sammy Sosa is back to having white skin? We totally win the World Series when Sammy looks like an albino, dude." said Lincecum as he downed a Red Bull and Vodka. Lincecum is also thrilled to team up with fellow starter Shaun Marcum to form "The 'Cum Brothers". All members of San Francisco's alternative lifestyle communities will receive free "Cum Brothers" t-shirts with paid admission.

The Giants are also running several great promotions at the ball park this season. Free shots of Jack Daniels Honey Bourbon every time the designated "Gold Cobra" batter of the game gets a hit for the Giants. Additionally, Chris Denorfia has decided to change his name this season to Sparkles, Professional Male Model. For every hit Sparkles gets, The Giants will provide one lucky fan with a $60 voucher which is good to cover the cost of enrollment at Handsome Boy Modeling School. Finally, following ever Giants Home Run, a stage will rise out of San Francisco Bay and Roxette will play a song from their catalogue of hits while wearing meat helmets. Should be a wonderful season.

In the Field

1B: Jesus "The Jesus" Guzman

2B: Brandon Phillips

SS: Jose Reyes

3B: Placido Polanco

OF: Shane Victorino

OF: Gerardo "Rico Suave" Parra

OF: Andre Ethier

OF: Sparkles, Professional Male Model

UTL: John Mayberry

UTL: Jerry Hairston

UTL: Jonathan Herrera

C: Miguel Montero

C: Geovany Soto

SP1: Brandon "Son of a" Beachy

SP2: Tim Lincecum

SP3: Shaun Marcum

SP4: Tommy Hanson

CB5: Jhoulys Chacin

LR: "Magic" Wandy Rodriguez

SR: Rex Brothers

SR: Aroldis "322 point strikeout zone" Chapman

SR: Ramon Ramirez

SR: Kenley Jansen

SR: Billy "Brasky" Bray

CL: John Axford

Minors:

Humberto Quintero - C

Darwin Barney - INF

Henry Rodriguez - LR

Jonathan Sanchez - SP

New Look Marlins Ready to Impale all Comers

Billy sez 'Enjoy my Amazing Technicolor Sail Fin, while I stick this bill in your eye"

The 2012 Marlins are looking to close out their final season in that bastion of baseball tradition, Florida/Dolphin/SunLife/Joe Robbie Stadium, with a bang.  Nothing short of a legacy building 2nd World Series title for manager Jon Tortomasi will do.  "Skipper T got us there last season, but we just came up short", said Tortomasi loyalist and power hitter Mike Stanton.  "This year, we finish it."  Team captain Prince Fielder is excited to be on board a team with World Series aspirations, "This team can make it, we've got what it takes."  Big words from a pair of very big men.  Neither player would comment on the new and terrible 'rainbow color scheme'. The Marlin's roster this season is platoon heavy, with plenty of pop, and an embarrassment of riches at catcher and shortstop.

In the field:

1B - Princey Fielder

2B - Ryan 'TheRiot' / Omar Infante

3B - Miguel Cairo

SS - Jimmy 'Ro-Ro' Rollins / Hanley Ramirez

OF1 - Big Mike Stanton

OF2 - Lucas 'Camptown Ladies Sing this Song' Duda

OF3 - Chris Heisey

OF4 - Julio Daniel (JD) Martinez

OF5 - Carlos 'El Caballo' Lee

C1 - Brian McCann 

C2 - Chris Ianetta 'the Beretta'

C3 - Rod Barajas

The Starting 5:

Roy "Doc" Halladay

Ian Kennedy

Josh Collmenter

Hiroki Kuroda

'Average Joe' Saunders

The 'Pen:

Sergio Romo

Tyler Clippard

Jeremy Affeldt

Matt Belisle

LaTroy Hawkins

John Lannon

The Minors:

Jack Wilson - IF

Carlos Pena - 1B

Jeff Keppinger - 2B

Paul Maholm - SP

Your 2012 PTP Brooklyn Dodgers

Here is the 2012 NL PTP CHAMPIONSHIP SQUADRON FROM NEW DODGERS OWNER SPENCER ROCKWELL, WHO BOUGHT THE DODGERS FROM FRANK McCOURT FOR A MINISCULE $1.97.

WARNING: IF YOU DISS MY TEAM MY FANBASE WILL BEAT YOU INTO A
COMA IN THE PARKING LOT!

Starting Pitchers
Cole Hamels
Cliff Lee
Tim Hudson
Yovanni Gallardo
Kyle Kendrick

BULLPEN
Joel Hanrahan
Ryan Madsen
Javy Guerra
Mark Melancon
Aaron Harang
Randy Wolf

LINEUP
CF - Andrew McCutchen
SS - Dee Gordon
1B - Al Pujols
LF - Carlos Beltran
3B - Ryan Zimmerman
2B - Dan Espinosa
C - Carlos Ruiz
RF - Rick Ankiel

BENCH
Chipper Jones - 3B
Nate Schierholtz & Associates - OF
Gaby Sanchez - 1B
Angel Sanchez - UTIL
Angel Pagan - OF
John Buck - C

MINORS
Charles Morton - SP
Budrick Norris - SP
Ronny Cedeno - SS/2B
Scott Rolen - 3B

Wire rimmed glasses- all the better to draft with tonight.

Woah, no PICTURE DROPPING!

Fresh Valencia Oranges!!! $.99 / dozen. Keither @ Spencer

With the series between border rivals, Keith and Spencer, Keither ends his pitiful season, ans Spencer nears yet another playoff berth. Here's the skinny....


Game 1 Phil Hughes @ Cliff Lee

Keither battered around the Big Red Dog as V-Mart and Adam Rosales connected for solo bombs, and chased Lee from the game following an offensive barrage in the 6th that scored three runs for Keither.
Spencer managed just a solo bomb from A-Rod and RBI fielder's choice from Big Tex.
KEITHER WINS 5-2

W - Hughes 7.2, 6h, 2w, 2er, 3k
L - Lee 6.0, 7h, 5er, 2w, 8k, 2hr
S - Frasor 1.1, h, w, 2k
HR - Rosales, V-Mart, A-Rod


Game 2 MVP Verlander @ Cla Buchholtz

Ultimate pitchers duel in this one. A-Rod's solo bombjack in the 6th was the only run.
SPENCER WINS 1-0. Bucholtz + Joaquin Benoit + Chris Perez = Keither loss

W - Buchholtz 6.1, 7h, w, 6k
L - Verlander CG, 5H, er, 10k, w
S - Perez 1.0, 2K
HR - A-ROD

GAME 3 Jon Lester the Molester @ Mexican Mafia Garza

Keither scored early and often in the 1st as Garza got walk happy. However, Lester had the yips as well, and gave up three in the bottom of the 1st to tie the game 3-3.
Crack Hamilton hit a solo HR to regain the lead for Keith, but Grandyman answered that with a HR in the 3rd to tie the game at 4-4.
To make a long story short, the game went back and forth into extras. Derek Jeter ended up catching the last couple of innings due to pinch-hitting and an injury to Alexi Avila.
In the 11th, a Derek Jeter throwing error at catcher allowed Da Meat Hooks brother to score the winning run. Danny Valencia had 5 hits for Keither in the game.
KEITHER WINS - 7-6 in 11

W - Bailey
L - Jackson
S - Frasor
HR - Grandyman, Druggy Hamilton

Good series from Keither. My team continues to skid into the playoffs having lost 2 of 3 from Mario and 2 of 3 from Keither now.

NL Season Approaches

Once I was in the PTP playoffs, a couple years ago. It was fun.

(better posts will follow. peace.)

2010 AL Playoff Picture Update - Clarity thru W-L Tracking

After the big New Year's Eve-Eve APD, we now have a clear playoff picture.  Clear, as in who in IN, and who is OUT.  Here's where we stand:

With Goldy beating Keith 2-1 on Friday night, and his dominance over Nick (winning 4 out of 6), he clinched clinched his first ever playoff spot. Congrats to you sir.
And with Spencer getting his 19th win of the season over Mario (despite losing the series), he clinched a spot as well.   Fish and myself were in prior to any play on Friday.

So what can happen from here?  The seedings are still very much up for grabs.  Spencer can sew up the top seed with 3 more wins, as he holds the tie-break vs. Fish.  Goldy can slide into the #3 seed, if he wins 2 out of 3 vs. Spencer, as he holds the tiebreaker over Torto (3-3 season series tie, but edge in total runs 28-23). 

And for the record, Nick - who kept claiming all evening that this was the first season he ever missed the playoffs, has a short memory.  He first missed the playoffs during the NL 2009 season, with a sub-500 record of 19 and 23.

Nick vs. Fish – Vlad Makes His Presence Felt

Nick and I knocked out the final series of the regular AL season at Keith’s house. As usual, runs were hard to come by:

Game 1: Danks at Romero
Fish would take an early lead in the 1st inning with a double by Morneau and RBI single by Vlad Guerrero. Michael Young hit a solo home run in the top of the second, to be answered by Nick in the bottom of the frame as B Gardner walked and was singled in by Valbuena. A similar inning occurred in the bottom of the 4th when Gardner walked and Kinsler drove him home with an RBI single. This would be all the scoring that would occur until the top of the 13th inning when Vlad Guerrero hit a solo home run on a deep drive to center (needed to roll greater than 92, in which a 97 was rolled). Fuentes came on to provide the save. Fish wins 3-2.
Win – Thornton
Loss – O’Day
Save – Fuentes

Game 2: Gonzalez at Peavy
Nick got the game started with a baseball single from Kinsler and worked his way around to score on bases loaded walk by Brett Gardner. Fish tied the game in the top of the 7th inning on a solo home run from Vlad Guerrero. Nick would take the lead in the bottom of the 7th on a two run double by Valbuena. In the top of the 8th, Michael Young hit a solo home run and DeJesus scored on a two out CLUTCH double by Alex Rios. This game went into extra innings as well, and the 11th inning was Nick’s undoing, Rios was hit by a pitch, Morneau had a single, Guerrero had an RBI single, Drew bounced into a fielder’s choice, and Michael Young hit a three run home run. Fish wins 7-3.
Win – Soria
Loss – Bard
Save – Thornton

Game 3: Buehrle at Guthrie
Drinky Cabrera hit a solo home run in the bottom of the 1st, to be answered by Michael Young’s solo home run in the top 2nd. Bautista would take over the game with two home runs, a two run home run in the bottom of the 4th and a three run home run in the bottom of the 8th. Nick wins 6-1.
Win – Guthrie
Loss - Buehrle